Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You may now shotgun with the bride
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
