I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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