your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
