Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
