yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
