my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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