God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
