she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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