did you get engaged???
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
