Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so let's talk penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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