You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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