and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
