I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
