You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
