Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
