I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
