Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize