so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
