absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
