People with herpes should wear stickers.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
