Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
