why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
