so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
