I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
