DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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