then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
