dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
