**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
