I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
