My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
