I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
