I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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