Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
