Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
