Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
