Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
