Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
