i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
