i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize