He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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