I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this boner is exhausting
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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