1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
