Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
