what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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