remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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