Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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