I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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