if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
