I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
