Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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