Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
