i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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