sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
