just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
