So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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