I'm so fucking centered right now
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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