Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
