Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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