I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
