I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
