well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
