please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
