Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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