A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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