dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
