so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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