Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
