i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
