he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
