He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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