somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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