Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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