sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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