i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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