saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
