Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
